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Women are givers by nature — especially when it comes to their money. They may delay getting dental work for themselves to buy back-to-school clothes for their kids. Or, put their career on hold to care for their aging parents. And, all too often, they help pay for their kids’ (and sometimes grandkids’) college tuition at the expense of our own retirement savings.
Such choices may be selfless, but they also put women in a precarious financial position.
“Women are trained to look out for others,” said Ginita Wall, a tax accountant, financial professional, and co-founder of the Women’s Institute for Financial Education, a San Diego, California-based nonprofit. “That’s not to say men don’t have the instinct to care for their families because they do, but they tend to take a more macro view, while women look more at the micro — at what needs to get done today or this week.”
Wall recalls one client who came to her in her early 60s and wanted to be sure that she was going to be set for retirement.
“We reviewed her financial plan and determined that she should be able to retire on time at age 66, but two years later she told me she didn’t have any money at all,” said Wall, in an interview. The client revealed that her daughter had been engaged in a nasty custody battle and that she had helped pay for all her legal fees.
“It devastated her own retirement plan and now she won’t be able to retire even close to on time,” said Wall, who focuses on financial advice for women. “Mothers want to make their children happy and relieve their pain, but you can’t help your family unless you first take care of yourself.”
To that end, here are five reasons why the ladies should make their money a top priority…
Women and finance: Break the cycle of putting other’s first
Apart from the sentiment to support their family, women often sacrifice their own financial well-being because that’s the behavior their own mothers modeled, said Wall.
“Your financial decisions today are setting an example for your kids and future generations,” she said. “Parents often think about influencing their younger children, but they forget that adult children need guidance, too. Show them what to do and break the cycle.”
Don’t give your son money for a down payment on a first home, for example, if it compromises your ability to retire on time or with the lifestyle you envisioned. And, don’t bail your daughter out of credit card debt if it won’t do either of you any good. (Learn more: 5 money myths about women)
Instead, make clear that you’re not in the position to provide financial resources, but lend your verbal and emotional support. It’s not a rejection. It’s a learning opportunity. Help them research loan options, develop a savings plan, and explore debt repayment options to empower your children to meet their financial goals today and develop healthy spending habits for tomorrow. (Learn more: When to stop financially supporting your children)
Self-reliance is a gift to your children
While many parents worry about leaving a financial legacy for their kids, financial professionals say the best gift you can give the next generation is to fortify your retirement nest egg so you can cover your own living expenses and future health care costs. (Learn more: Why annuities may be more valuable for women)
According to Fidelity’s annual Heath Care Cost Estimate, the average 65-year old couple retiring in 2026 with traditional Medicare insurance coverage can expect to spend $370,000 in out-of-pocket health care and medical costs throughout retirement. That does not include any costs incurred for long-term care or assisted living.1
What good does it do your kids, asks Cindy Hounsell, president of the Women’s Institute for Secure Retirement (WISER), if you use your paychecks to ease their financial woes, but then outlive your savings?
One or more of your kids (statistically more likely to be your daughter) might then be forced to help finance your living expenses or quit their job to become your caregiver.
“I know a mom who gave her paid-off New York City apartment to her son and his wife because she felt like they would never be able to afford to buy on their own, but now she’s moved to Florida where she’s paying rent,” said Hounsell. “She herself has been widowed a long time so there is only one Social Security check coming in for her. I know a lot of examples like this of women giving money to their kids or grandkids when they don’t really have it to give.”
Less money stress
Money continues to be a leading cause of anxiety in America, according to a recent study from ValuePenguin, which found nearly one-third (34 percent) of adults identified money as their biggest source of stress.2
Generally speaking, women are more likely to be stressed about money than men.
A 2025 survey by Bankrate found that women are more likely than men to say money negatively impacts their mental health, at least occasionally (45 percent vs. 41 percent, respectively).3
According to the survey, women were more likely than men to cite inflation/rising prices (72 percent of women and 64 percent of men) as a top stressor. They were also more likely than men to cite not having enough emergency savings as a source of anxiety, while men were more likely to cite their job security or not having a stable income.
Stress related to financial struggles can impact both psychological and physical health. Indeed, research cited by Simply Psychology found that those who report high levels of stress about money often engage in unhealthy behaviors to manage that stress, adding that financial struggles may strain individuals’ cognitive abilities, which could perpetuate poor decision-making.
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More emotionally available to those you love
Making your money and financial security a top priority yields another important benefit as well: Liberated from the weight of financial uncertainty, you restore a sense of balance that may enable you to be more emotionally available to your spouse, kids, friends, and career, said Hounsell. By nurturing yourself, you can be more present for those you love.
“If you have a plan and you know what is going to happen financially, you’re happier and less stressed,” said Hounsell. “It’s the not knowing that weighs you down.”
While no one knows every variable, like how long they’ll live or whether a layoff is imminent, you can plan for the most likely outcomes, prepare for the unexpected with an emergency fund, and protect your loved ones with adequate life insurance and disability income insurance coverage. Whole life insurance, for example, provides a guaranteed tax-free death benefit for your beneficiaries when you die, as long as you continue making payments on the policy. It also builds cash value over time, which you can use during your lifetime to supplement retirement savings or pay for unexpected expenses.4
(Related: How life insurance provides 3 distinct tax advantages)
“You don’t know if you’re going to get sick or when you’re going to die, but we do know it will happen eventually and you have to plan for that,” said Hounsell. “You have to take your family into account. No one wants to say, ‘Sorry, I didn’t plan and now I have nothing.’”
Women simply need more saved
Lastly, women should be more selfish with their finances because, well, they have to be.
As a gender, women typically live longer, earn less, and have less banked than their male counterparts. That makes them more vulnerable in the event of a divorce or premature death of a breadwinning-spouse.
Need proof?
- The Centers for Disease Control reports that the life expectancy at birth for women is now 81.4, compared with 76.5 for men. 5
- Women also earn roughly 85 percent of what men earn for the same job, according to a Pew Research Center analysis.6
- And, while they are generally better savers and more likely to participate in a 401(k) plan at work, their lower average income means they have far less socked away for their future than most men: The average account balance for women participating in a defined contribution retirement plan in 2025 was about $146,000, compared with about $195,000 for men.7
Clearly, women can’t afford to put themselves last.
By declaring your own financial security as a top priority, women can not only relieve a significant source of stress, but also potentially strengthen their relationship with their spouse, family, and friends. (Related: Why fear may be women’s biggest financial risk)
Oh, and happy Women’s Equality Day!
Since 1851, MassMutual has been focused on helping people secure their financial future and protect the ones they love. That mission is why we have thousands of financial professionals to assist you on your journey through insurance, investing, retirement planning, estate management, and more. You can find a MassMutual professional with this tool or you can let us know you’d like to talk to one and we’ll have one of our financial professionals can contact you.
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Frequently asked questions about women prioritizing their financial well-being
Q: Why do women need more retirement savings than men?
A: Women live about five years longer than men on average, face a persistent pay gap, and often take time out of the workforce to care for family. Longer lifespans and lower lifetime earnings mean women's savings must stretch further, so they need more set aside — not less.
Q: Is it selfish for women to put their own finances first?
A: No. Protecting your own financial future is one of the most generous things you can do for your family. If you outlive your savings, your children — often your daughter — may have to help cover your expenses or become your caregiver. Putting yourself first protects them, too.
Q: What's the first step to protecting yourself financially?
A: Start with a financial plan that puts your own security first: build an emergency fund, maximize any employer retirement match, carry adequate life and disability income insurance, and plan for health care costs in retirement — which can exceed $185,000 per person even with Medicare.
Discover more from MassMutual…
Retirement planning: What women do right
5 ways investors can support women in business
Questions to ask before moving in together
Need a financial professional? Find one here
This article was originally published in August 2017. It has been updated.
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1 Fidelity Investments, “Fidelity Investments® Shares 25th Annual Retiree Health Care Cost Estimate, Highlighting the Importance of Incorporating Potential Health Expenses in Retirement Planning,” July 21, 2026.
2 ValuePenguin, “Americans’ Stress Levels — and Financial Anxiety — on the Rise,” April 4, 2022
3 Bankrate, “Survey: 43% of Americans say money is negatively impacting their mental health,” April 30, 2025.
4 Borrowing from cash value, however, will reduce the policy's cash value and death benefit, increase the chance the policy will lapse, and may result in a tax liability if the policy terminates before the death of the insured.
5 Centers for Disease Control, “Life Expectancy,” Feb. 5, 2026.
6 Pew Research Center, “Gender pay gap in U.S. has narrowed slightly over 2 decades,” March 4, 2025.
7 Vanguard, “How America Saves,” 2025.
