5 reasons why women should be selfish…financially

By Shelly Gigante
Shelly Gigante specializes in personal finance issues. Her work has appeared in a variety of publications and news websites.
Posted on Aug 24, 2017

Women are givers by nature – especially when it comes to our money. We may delay getting dental work to buy back-to-school clothes. Or put our careers on hold to raise children and care for aging parents. And we might help pay for our kids’ (and sometimes grandkids’) college tuition at the expense of our own retirement savings.

Such choices may be selfless, but they also put women in a precarious financial position.

“Women are trained to look out for others,” said Ginita Wall, a tax accountant, financial advisor, and co-founder of the Women’s Institute for Financial Education, a San Diego, California-based nonprofit. “That’s not to say men don’t have the instinct to care for their families because they do, but they tend to take a more macro view, while women look more at the micro – at what needs to get done today or this week.”

Wall recalls one client who came to her in her early 60s and wanted to be sure that she was going to be set for retirement.

“We reviewed her financial plan and determined that she should be able to retire on time at age 66, but two years later she told me she didn’t have any money at all,” said Wall, in an interview. The client revealed that her daughter had been engaged in a nasty custody battle and that she had helped pay for all her legal fees.

“It devastated her own retirement plan and now she won’t be able to retire even close to on time,” said Wall. “Mothers want to make their children happy and relieve their pain, but you can’t help your family unless you first take care of yourself.” (Related: Establishing financial goals)

Toward that end, as Women’s Equality Day approaches, here are five reasons why the ladies should make their money a top priority…

Break the cycle

Apart from the sentiment to support their family, women often sacrifice their own financial well-being because that’s the behavior their own mothers modeled, said Wall.

“Your financial decisions today are setting an example for your kids and future generations,” she said. “Parents often think about influencing their younger children, but they forget that adult children need guidance, too. Show them what to do and break the cycle.”

Don’t give your son money for a down payment on a first home, for example, if it compromises your ability to retire on time or with the lifestyle you envisioned. And don’t bail your daughter out of credit card debt if it won’t do either of you any good.

Instead, make clear that you’re not in the position to provide financial resources, but lend your verbal and emotional support. It’s not a rejection. It’s a learning opportunity. Help them research loan options, develop a savings plan, and explore debt repayment options to empower your children to meet their financial goals today and develop healthy spending habits for tomorrow.

Self-reliance is a gift

While many parents worry about leaving a financial legacy for their kids, financial advisors say the best gift you can give the next generation is to fortify your retirement nest egg so you can cover your own living expenses and future health care costs.

According to Fidelity’s annual Heath Care Cost Estimate, the average 65-year old couple retiring in 2016 with traditional Medicare insurance coverage will need roughly $260,000 to cover out-of-pocket health care costs in retirement. That does not include any costs incurred for long-term care or assisted living.1

What good does it do your kids, asks Cindy Hounsell, president of the Women’s Institute for Secure Retirement (WISER), if you use your paychecks to ease their financial woes, but then outlive your savings?

One or more of your kids (statistically more likely to be your daughter) might then be forced to help finance your living expenses or quit their job to become your caregiver.

“I know a mom who gave her paid-off New York City apartment to her son and his wife because she felt like they would never be able to afford to buy on their own But now she’s moved to Florida where she’s paying rent,” said Hounsell. “She herself has been widowed a long time so there is only one Social Security check coming in for her. I know a lot of examples like this of women giving money to their kids or grandkids when they don’t really have it to give.”

Less stress

Money continues to be the leading cause of stress in America, according to a recent study from the American Psychological Association (APA), which found nearly three-quarters (72 percent) of adults reported feeling stressed about money at least some of the time and nearly one quarter (22 percent) said they experienced extreme stress over money troubles during the past month.2

According to the study, women (68 percent) are more likely than men (61 percent) to cite money as a significant source of stress.

Stress related to financial struggles, of course, can impact both psychological and physical health. Indeed, the APA report noted those who report high levels of stress about money often engage in unhealthy behaviors to manage that stress, adding that financial struggles may strain individuals’ cognitive abilities, which could perpetuate poor decision-making.

“These findings stand against a backdrop of research that shows the profound effects of stress on health status and longevity,” the APA study noted.

More emotionally available

Making your money a top priority yields another important benefit as well: Liberated from the weight of financial uncertainty, you restore a sense of balance that may enable you to be more emotionally available to your spouse, kids, friends, and career, said Hounsell. By nurturing yourself, you can be more present for those you love.

“If you have a plan and you know what is going to happen financially, you’re happier and less stressed,” said Hounsell. “It’s the not knowing that weighs you down.”

While no one knows every variable, like how long they’ll live or whether a layoff is imminent, you can plan for the most likely outcomes, prepare for the unexpected with an emergency fund, and protect your loved ones with adequate life and disability income insurance coverage.

“You don’t know if you’re going to get sick or when you’re going to die, but we do know it will happen eventually and you have to plan for that,” said Hounsell. “You have to take your family into account. No one wants to say, ‘Sorry, I didn’t plan and now I have nothing.’”

You need more saved

Lastly, women should be more selfish with their finances because, well, they have to be. As a gender, women typically live longer, earn less and have less banked than their male counterparts. That makes them more vulnerable in the event of a divorce or premature death of a breadwinning-spouse.

Need proof? The Centers for Disease Control reports U.S. females born in 2015 will live to an average age of 81.2, compared with 76.3 for men.3 They earn roughly 83 percent of what men earn for the same job, according to a Pew Research Center analysis. And, while they are generally better savers and more likely to participate in a 401(k) plan at work, their lower average income means they have far less socked away than most men: The average account balance for women participating in a defined contribution retirement plan in 2016 was $76,143, compared with $117,270 for men.4

Clearly, women can’t afford to put themselves last.

By declaring your own financial security as a top priority, women can not only relieve a significant source of stress, but also potentially strengthen their relationship with their spouse, family and friends.

Oh, and happy Women’s Equality Day!

More from MassMutual…

Tips for maximizing your retirement income

Using life insurance for supplemental income

Need advice? Contact us


1Fidelity, “Health Care Cost Estimate,” 2016.

2American Psychological Association, “Stress in America: Paying with our Health,” 2014.

3Centers for Disease Control, “Health, United States, 2016: With Chartbook on Long-term Trends” 2016

4Vanguard, “How America Saves,” 2014.

The information provided is not written or intended as specific tax or legal advice. MassMutual, its employees and representatives are not authorized to give tax or legal advice. You are encouraged to seek advice from your own tax or legal counsel. Opinions expressed by those interviewed are their own, and do not necessarily represent the views of MassMutual.